In the Darkest Nights

I am not really sure where to begin. Maybe I should start by apologizing to the carpet cleaning team who came to my house this afternoon.

Dear Stanley Steemer man,

I am so very sorry for my disheveled appearance, the mess you had to clean, and most of all, my state of mind during your time here. Thank you for not immediately leaving when I opened the door with a crying baby on my hip and a living room full of the worst smell that ever existed. Maybe you saw desperation written across my face. Maybe you're just devoted to your job. Whatever it was that kept you from leaving, I am grateful for it.

Sincerely,

The Pitiful Lady (because that's probably how you referred to me when you told people about work today)

So, to make a long, draining, highly emotional story short, our sweet Great Dane, Macy, had a seizure this morning. She has had them in the past, and is medicated for them, but this was the worst one she's had. And because it was in the morning, I was home alone with the baby while the husband was hard at work. It was scary and heartbreaking and left me feeling completely helpless. 

The only thing I could do was pray. So I fell down on my knees and begged the Lord to bring her out of the seizure. It was the hardest I've prayed in years. I wish I could say that I spend a lot of time on my knees in prayer, but I can't. It's not until the burden is too heavy for me to physically stand under it that I fall on my face before Him. 

What is it about our darkest times that drives us to our knees?
That thought has lingered in my mind all day. 

After an exhausting day at the house, my gracious husband took over for a few hours and gave me time for Bible study with some sweet friends. On my quiet drive home, I witnessed the most beautiful lightning storm.

It's always funny to me how much different lightning seems at night than during the day. I know it's the same no matter the hour, and I am by no means attempting to write a scientific thesis here. But our perception of the lightning when we're surrounded by darkness is so much more intense than when it is light outside. 


And I think it's the same in my dark times. It's not that God is any more powerful when I am desperate for Him. For He is always the same, never changing (James 1:17). It's just that my perception of His power when I am surrounded by darkness is so much more intense.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5, ESV)

  
As my day finally comes to a close, I rest in the hope that tomorrow will not be quite as dark. And I will practice falling on my knees out of a pure desire to know my God. Falling on my knees because I am in desperate need of a Redeemer for life, and not just in a desperate situation for the moment.

Thank you, Lord, for giving light to my life!