In His Presence

Well, well, well. I'm back. I haven't written in quite a while. The busy back to school life has returned, and I hardly have time to catch my breath by the end of the day. Yes, I know I'm not in school anymore. That's contrary to the belief of some students who saw me at the high school last week... pushing my baby in her stroller. Not completely sure it was meant as a compliment, but hey, I'll take it.

So there has been the busy schedule thing, but I also haven't written because I have been waiting for some profound revelation to write about. Just waiting. And waiting. And waiting...

But, then I remembered. That was never my intention with this blog. My heart was to share what was going on. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So, I apologize. I'm sorry for waiting around until I had something "great" to write about. For not sharing because I don't think I have something good to bring to the table.

This is the mentality I struggle with between God and me. The enemy lies and tells me that God doesn't want to spend time with me until I have something good to bring to the table. Or that I need to clean myself up before I can spend time in His presence. I hate those lies. And yet I live like I believe them.

The truth is, when Jesus paid the penalty for my sin through His death on the cross, He made me clean enough to be in God's Holy presence. I've been washed as white as snow. Not because of anything I brought to the table. Simply because of His love, grace, and mercy. So, if God loved me enough to make a way for me to spend eternity with Him, why do I act like He doesn't want to spend time with me everyday? Because He so does! It's me who chooses otherwise.

It's in His presence where I am made whole. Surprise! He knows I'm broken already! In Matthew 11:28, He invites the "weary and burdened" to come to Him. Not the perfect and complete. He knows I will never have anything good to bring to the table. 
And He still delights in ME. 
And He delights in YOU!

So let's stop with the guilt trips and shameful glances at our Bibles that have remained untouched for weeks. He's waiting for you. Not with a furrowed brow, and not with a list of the time you've missed. But He waits with more love and grace than we could ever fathom. 

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17 NIV84)

I hope this leaves you encouraged. I'm praying for you a renewed energy and excitement in your time with the Lord. 

There is peace and abund joy in His presence!

Taking the Leap

I hope your week has been as enjoyable as our family's has. We spent some time at the beach with family for Rob's grandfather's birthday. It has been a very special time for everyone. We have enjoyed talking, laughing and just spending time together. Our entertainment has mainly been the seven great-grandchildren under the age of four. They are hilarious! It's so funny to watch the older ones interact, trying to figure each other out. Their biggest trials of the week have included learning to share their toys and their mommies while they hold other babies.

One of my favorite parts has been watching them try scary, new things. For example: jumping off the side of the pool. All by themselves.

It's kind of a big deal.

When one brave soul would take a step off the edge into the unknown below, it was almost as if it added a little bit of courage to the others' tanks. 

A couple days of seeing the others complete the mission, and my sweet little niece was ready for her turn. She stepped up, put her toes right up to the edge, and JUMPED! The look on that tiny wet face was one filled with victory and freedom. She conquered her fear and was free to jump whenever she wanted.

Here's my brave niece, Campbell.

Even as big kids, we benefit from watching others take the first leap. I've been learning a lot about how important it is for me as a follower of Christ to share what the Lord is doing in my life. Hence, this blog. Through messages and conversations with some of you, God's showing me how He loves to use fellow believers - their struggles and triumphs, trials and victories - to build up one another. 

In Acts chapter 2, we read about the fellowship of the believers. 

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (verses 42-47)

Wow! I want to be a part of a church like that! A tiny bit because of all the bread they were eating, but mostly because of the openness and freedom that I feel when I imagine myself in those surroundings.

What if we did that? Let's start to live like God intended the church to live. I don't imagine that those believers we just read about worried too much about what others thought of them. They probably didn't mind being honest about their weaknesses, because it wasn't about them. It was about Jesus. And only Jesus.

But we can't just sit around and wish for this to happen. We have to act. Be the one to take the first step off the ledge. Tell a sister about what you read yesterday when you opened the Bible. Or share with a brother a difficult situation you're facing with your family. It will be uncomfortable at first. The enemy will try his best to steer us away from it. But the moment you invite the Lord to be a part of your conversation, the awkwardness is gone and you'll feel free to fellowship with edifying and loving words.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

You be the one to jump first! Add some courage to those around you. Maybe it means writing about it like my friend Ryan King is doing here. Maybe it means having more meaningful conversations over coffee or riding in the car. Whatever you need to do to "spur one another on," DO IT. 


We could all take a lesson from the little ones at the pool.

Getting Rid of the "Uglies"

I love shopping. Alright, now that all the boys are gone... Not necessarily spending money, but window shopping? Always. I'm funny about shopping with other people though. Mostly because my ventures are used as therapy. But then there's also the fact that I am a people pleaser. I am way too concerned about what others think to have successful trips. When I just want to browse, I'm afraid that they're bored. Or if I want to try on clothes, I don't want to take up their time to have them wait on me. So usually I piddle around by myself until my heart's content. Or at least until sleeping beauty in the stroller wakes up.


There is one person who I always love to have accompany me. Much to his dismay, it's my husband. Not that he doesn't enjoy spending time with me. He would just rather spend time somewhere other than between racks of clothes and holding my purse. By the way, he always gets compliments on the purse, and who doesn't love a good compliment?

Besides the fact that I know he's used to waiting around on me anyway, I like having him around to tell me what he thinks about my potential purchases.

So this afternoon, while Rob once again waited on me outside a dressing room, I overheard a very familiar conversation. A man stood right outside his wife's dressing room door, holding what I assumed to be the reject items.
The exchange through a closed door went something like this...
"Sweetie, are you almost done?"
"Yes, but I haven't found anything yet."
"What about the ones you said you really liked?"
"I do like them. I guess. But none of them make me feel pretty."


Insert long silence.

"You know why they don't make me feel pretty, don't you?"

Because I, myself, have been on her side of the conversation, I knew she was referring to the exact area of her body that she is the most insecure.

"Don't you?" she asked a little louder and a little more frustrated.
"Yes," he said in a near whisper.

As I left the area, the conversation continued to get more uncomfortable. She was searching for some words of value from a man who was more aware of the social network on his phone than he was of his love on the other side of the door.

Sometimes the Lord teaches me about myself through people watching. Or, in this case, people listening. There it was. Clear as day. I am that woman in the dressing room. I get down on myself and then search for life-giving words from people who cannot possibly give them. Expectations are not met and I leave the situation deflated and disappointed.

It's not that I don't have encouraging people around me. I live with a man who has "encouragement" ranked in the top five of his spiritual gifts. (He took a spiritual gifts inventory today. Just wanted to throw that bit of info in there.) Actually, I probably have more encouraging friends and family than most people. I am so thankful for that. Beyond blessed. But when I am so focused on the things I hate strongly dislike about myself, no amount of kind, well intended words are going to make me feel better.

I need more than lovely words that distract from the ugly thoughts for a moment. Those thoughts are persistent and they'll be back soon.
I need to get rid of the "uglies" altogether.

How? Well, in Philippians 4, we read some instructions for how to guard our hearts and our MINDS, which is where the "ugly" battle takes place. Verse 8 in that chapter says, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things (NIV, emphasis added)."

So in order to guard the battle ground that is our minds, we are instructed to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Not ugly. It didn't make the list.

"Next time I feel bad about myself, I just think about puppies and daisies?" NO.

Think about the Truth. The Word of God. Hide it in your heart like it says in Psalm 119:11! We have to be ready to fight because "the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8, NIV)." We fight with the Word according to Ephesians 6:17.

Here are some scriptures that I've packed into my arsenal:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27) 

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. (Genesis 1:31; note: He called everything he created "good" until he created man and woman, when he declared his work to be "very good".)

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14)

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (1 Peter 3:3-4)  

There are many, many more verses addressing our value and worth as children of God. Read them!

You are valued by a Holy God. He bought you with a very high price, his Son's blood.
You are precious.
A daughter of the King!
A son of the Most High God!

"...think about such things."

In the Darkest Nights

I am not really sure where to begin. Maybe I should start by apologizing to the carpet cleaning team who came to my house this afternoon.

Dear Stanley Steemer man,

I am so very sorry for my disheveled appearance, the mess you had to clean, and most of all, my state of mind during your time here. Thank you for not immediately leaving when I opened the door with a crying baby on my hip and a living room full of the worst smell that ever existed. Maybe you saw desperation written across my face. Maybe you're just devoted to your job. Whatever it was that kept you from leaving, I am grateful for it.

Sincerely,

The Pitiful Lady (because that's probably how you referred to me when you told people about work today)

So, to make a long, draining, highly emotional story short, our sweet Great Dane, Macy, had a seizure this morning. She has had them in the past, and is medicated for them, but this was the worst one she's had. And because it was in the morning, I was home alone with the baby while the husband was hard at work. It was scary and heartbreaking and left me feeling completely helpless. 

The only thing I could do was pray. So I fell down on my knees and begged the Lord to bring her out of the seizure. It was the hardest I've prayed in years. I wish I could say that I spend a lot of time on my knees in prayer, but I can't. It's not until the burden is too heavy for me to physically stand under it that I fall on my face before Him. 

What is it about our darkest times that drives us to our knees?
That thought has lingered in my mind all day. 

After an exhausting day at the house, my gracious husband took over for a few hours and gave me time for Bible study with some sweet friends. On my quiet drive home, I witnessed the most beautiful lightning storm.

It's always funny to me how much different lightning seems at night than during the day. I know it's the same no matter the hour, and I am by no means attempting to write a scientific thesis here. But our perception of the lightning when we're surrounded by darkness is so much more intense than when it is light outside. 


And I think it's the same in my dark times. It's not that God is any more powerful when I am desperate for Him. For He is always the same, never changing (James 1:17). It's just that my perception of His power when I am surrounded by darkness is so much more intense.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5, ESV)

  
As my day finally comes to a close, I rest in the hope that tomorrow will not be quite as dark. And I will practice falling on my knees out of a pure desire to know my God. Falling on my knees because I am in desperate need of a Redeemer for life, and not just in a desperate situation for the moment.

Thank you, Lord, for giving light to my life!

Choose joy!

Good morning! I've never been able to say that in a post because I usually hit the publish button at some ridiculous hour after midnight. So I guess, technically, those have been written in the morning too. Today, however, I've chosen to entertain the sweet little one on the bed beside me until she drifts off for her first nap. Whenever that may be.

We don't have strict routines in our house. Never have. Probably never will. My husband and I are very laid back. With his unorthodox hours at work and our involvement with high school and college students, it would be nearly impossible to stick to the same schedule every day.

There is one thing that sends both of our blood pressures through the roof. Traffic. And drivers who apparently never read the book before they took their permit tests at age fifteen. Impatience engulfs the car when we're behind a slow car in the fast lane or a driver who refuses to believe that it is, in fact, legal to turn right on red. So yesterday, when we had a babysitting offer that presented us with a spur of the moment date night, heavy traffic tried to put an end to it.

As we rushed across town from the babysitter to the movie theater, the Lord began to teach me a lesson. He tries to do that a lot when I'm in a hurry, but rarely will I listen. Yesterday, He spoke louder. Or probably just quieted all the other noise in my heart and mind so that I would hear His still, small voice. He brought to mind a sermon that I heard years ago about the Providence of God.

When we are in right relationship with Him, communicating regularly and seeking to know Him more, God will guide our steps and direct our paths. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6). So if it is true that He will direct my paths when I acknowledge His sovereignty and goodness, then I believe that this means in everyday life. Not just the big decisions. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think we are puppets on a string, but I do believe that my God is big and in control.

As we stopped at yet another red light downtown, I thought about the application of this in real life. God can intervene in our plans at anytime. Like when I'm trying to leave the house on time, but the baby spits up a dozen times and we both have to change clothes twice before actually leaving, making us an hour late to a friend's house. And while I am flustered and angry on the way there, I arrive to find out that everyone else is late, and had I been "on time" I would've been waiting. For an hour. So my mindset goes from angry to thankful. So thankful that the Lord knew I would not need to be there when I planned and threw a kink in MY plan. That's small. I know.

But what about the times that He directs my paths and I don't ever get to see what He was having me avoid? When the car in front of me stops at a yellow light which I most certainly would have gone through, and at the next intersection a truck is running a red light. I may never see the catastrophe that He kept me from. Maybe I'll only see the diversion He put in the way. And I am so busy focusing on how this affects my agenda that I miss out on praising Him for a miracle.

With all that being said, I'm changing my outlook on life. Instead of getting mad or frustrated at the small kinks in my plans, I will choose to praise God for whatever He's doing. I realize that this will take tons of practice. And it will probably be easier for me to implement in my husband's life when he needs it. Sorry, Rob! But my first act in this new way of thinking is to commit some scripture to memory. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." This blew my mind when the Lord gave it to me.

I have a choice.
I can choose anger or I can choose joy.
I can choose to focus on the kink or I can choose to focus on God's goodness.
I can choose pouting or I can choose praise.

I choose joy!

Perhaps you find your plans throughout the day being interrupted. If it tends to ruffle your feathers more than it should, I challenge you to stop and praise the Lord. Praise Him for who He is! Praise Him for whatever He is doing behind the scenes. Choose joy.